A lady came to me complaining that she is hurt by even small criticisms coming from others.
She said she was very sensitive. I asked her to stop using that word. I said, ‘You are not sensitive. A really sensitive person will be porous; she will allow the words to pass through her.
Only arrogant people get hurt. If you are hurt, please understand that you are arrogant. You are strong like a stone, which is why words come and hit you.’
A sensitive person would have allowed the words pass through her; she will never suffer. Even if someone is deliberately rude, a sensitive person understands where such a person is coming from and is not defensive. Suffering is always from arrogance, never from sensitivity. A person who is sensitive will never suffer. A sensitive person will suffer on account of another person in distress, not for oneself.
You suffer from words when you stop them, when you resist them, when you create your own meaning out of them. When we do not create our own meanings out of words, we do not suffer. We play with words. We always choose nice words to support our ego. We do not say, ‘I am hurt because I am arrogant.’ We always use polished words such as, ‘I am hurt because I am sensitive.’ Please don’t cheat yourself with words. Let your words be unfiltered by your ego.
Let me tell you a small story:
Once, a contractor wanted to donate a sports car to an official. The official refused, saying, “I am an honest person and I cannot think of accepting this gift.” The contractor asked him, “In that case how would it be if I sell you this car for Rs 10?’ The official replied immediately, ‘In that case, I will have two cars!’ When an untruth is wrapped in gift packing, you forget you have a problem. You accept it without a murmur. However, when truth is presented bare, you do protest. Presented bare, truth hurts; ego cannot tolerate truth easily.
We are so concerned about politically and socially correct statements, it seems no longer acceptable for anyone to speak the truth. But it seems to be perfectly acceptable to lie in a politically correct manner. Ramakrishna says beautifully, ‘Let your words and mind be straightened.’ Whatever is, let it be offered straight without filtering. Learn to accept truth bare. At least you will know you have a problem that you can solve.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
WHY DO WE YELL !!!!
A sage asked his disciples, “Why do people yell at each other when they are upset?”
The disciples thought for a while, and one said, “We lose our calm and so we yell!”
“But explain to me, why do you yell when the other person is right next to you?” asked the sage. “Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you yell at a person when you are angry?” The disciples gave some answers but none satisfied the sage.
Finally, the sage explained.
“When two people are angry at each other, there is a distance which arises between their hearts. To cover that distance they must yell, to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the louder they will have to yell to hear each other through that great distance.” Then the sage asked, “What happens when people are in love? They do not yell at each other but talk softly. Why? Their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small.”
The sage continued, “What happens when their love for the other grows even more? They do not speak, they only whisper. Their hearts come even closer with love. Finally, they need not even whisper... they only look at each other and that is all. That is how close people are when they love each other. The heart is like one.”
Apply it:
Next time you get angry, try speaking in a soft voice. Your anger will reduce a lot.
The disciples thought for a while, and one said, “We lose our calm and so we yell!”
“But explain to me, why do you yell when the other person is right next to you?” asked the sage. “Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you yell at a person when you are angry?” The disciples gave some answers but none satisfied the sage.
Finally, the sage explained.
“When two people are angry at each other, there is a distance which arises between their hearts. To cover that distance they must yell, to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the louder they will have to yell to hear each other through that great distance.” Then the sage asked, “What happens when people are in love? They do not yell at each other but talk softly. Why? Their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small.”
The sage continued, “What happens when their love for the other grows even more? They do not speak, they only whisper. Their hearts come even closer with love. Finally, they need not even whisper... they only look at each other and that is all. That is how close people are when they love each other. The heart is like one.”
Apply it:
Next time you get angry, try speaking in a soft voice. Your anger will reduce a lot.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Are You Always Right?
http://www.lifemotivations.com/index.html
Do you know someone who always wants to be right, and then has to tell you why they are right and you are wrong? They always have an opinion, and when something goes wrong, they have to tell you why it went wrong and why they knew it was going to go wrong.
You might pose a question to this person that they might not know the answer to, but that they think they should know or you think they should know, and then the fur goes up on their back like a cat and they spew forth their superior knowledge. Whether it is or not, they will tell you it is superior.
They just have to tell you why they are right and you are wrong, and they do this from a perspective only they can understand. So you just stand or sit there shaking your head wondering why they have to be right all of the time, when most of us are wrong most of the time.
They have their mental model of the world so tightly compacted around themselves that they think they are the smartest and the greatest ever to live.
Well I’ve got news: they are just a pain in the ass. And I am sure you know one or two of these people, and I hope it is not your boss, because that is a royal pain.
Why do people have to behave like this? Why do people think they have to know it all? Why do they have to be right and everyone else has to be wrong? Is there some low self-esteem working in their head, so they have to prove to everyone how good they are?
Now here is an interesting question: do you have a little of these behaviors in yourself?
I know you tell me no, but I am not so sure. We probably all have a little of the defensive in us, but let me share with you that if you have any of these behaviors it is wise to unload these thoughts of defense. They are not persuasive, people say things behind your back, and they just prove that you are not smarter than everyone else. Believe me, people will try to convince you of their superiority- but they are not superior. So if you have any of these behaviors you have to be honest with yourself, make a change and watch things turn around with your relationships.
Do you know someone who always wants to be right, and then has to tell you why they are right and you are wrong? They always have an opinion, and when something goes wrong, they have to tell you why it went wrong and why they knew it was going to go wrong.
You might pose a question to this person that they might not know the answer to, but that they think they should know or you think they should know, and then the fur goes up on their back like a cat and they spew forth their superior knowledge. Whether it is or not, they will tell you it is superior.
They just have to tell you why they are right and you are wrong, and they do this from a perspective only they can understand. So you just stand or sit there shaking your head wondering why they have to be right all of the time, when most of us are wrong most of the time.
They have their mental model of the world so tightly compacted around themselves that they think they are the smartest and the greatest ever to live.
Well I’ve got news: they are just a pain in the ass. And I am sure you know one or two of these people, and I hope it is not your boss, because that is a royal pain.
Why do people have to behave like this? Why do people think they have to know it all? Why do they have to be right and everyone else has to be wrong? Is there some low self-esteem working in their head, so they have to prove to everyone how good they are?
Now here is an interesting question: do you have a little of these behaviors in yourself?
I know you tell me no, but I am not so sure. We probably all have a little of the defensive in us, but let me share with you that if you have any of these behaviors it is wise to unload these thoughts of defense. They are not persuasive, people say things behind your back, and they just prove that you are not smarter than everyone else. Believe me, people will try to convince you of their superiority- but they are not superior. So if you have any of these behaviors you have to be honest with yourself, make a change and watch things turn around with your relationships.
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