Why we cannot tolerate criticism

A lady came to me complaining that she is hurt by even small criticisms coming from others.
She said she was very sensitive. I asked her to stop using that word. I said, ‘You are not sensitive. A really sensitive person will be porous; she will allow the words to pass through her.
Only arrogant people get hurt. If you are hurt, please understand that you are arrogant. You are strong like a stone, which is why words come and hit you.’

A sensitive person would have allowed the words pass through her; she will never suffer. Even if someone is deliberately rude, a sensitive person understands where such a person is coming from and is not defensive. Suffering is always from arrogance, never from sensitivity. A person who is sensitive will never suffer. A sensitive person will suffer on account of another person in distress, not for oneself.

You suffer from words when you stop them, when you resist them, when you create your own meaning out of them. When we do not create our own meanings out of words, we do not suffer. We play with words. We always choose nice words to support our ego. We do not say, ‘I am hurt because I am arrogant.’ We always use polished words such as, ‘I am hurt because I am sensitive.’ Please don’t cheat yourself with words. Let your words be unfiltered by your ego.

Let me tell you a small story:
Once, a contractor wanted to donate a sports car to an official. The official refused, saying, “I am an honest person and I cannot think of accepting this gift.” The contractor asked him, “In that case how would it be if I sell you this car for Rs 10?’ The official replied immediately, ‘In that case, I will have two cars!’ When an untruth is wrapped in gift packing, you forget you have a problem. You accept it without a murmur. However, when truth is presented bare, you do protest. Presented bare, truth hurts; ego cannot tolerate truth easily.

We are so concerned about politically and socially correct statements, it seems no longer acceptable for anyone to speak the truth. But it seems to be perfectly acceptable to lie in a politically correct manner. Ramakrishna says beautifully, ‘Let your words and mind be straightened.’ Whatever is, let it be offered straight without filtering. Learn to accept truth bare. At least you will know you have a problem that you can solve.

WHY DO WE YELL !!!!

A sage asked his disciples, “Why do people yell at each other when they are upset?”

The disciples thought for a while, and one said, “We lose our calm and so we yell!”

“But explain to me, why do you yell when the other person is right next to you?” asked the sage. “Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you yell at a person when you are angry?” The disciples gave some answers but none satisfied the sage.

Finally, the sage explained.

“When two people are angry at each other, there is a distance which arises between their hearts. To cover that distance they must yell, to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the louder they will have to yell to hear each other through that great distance.” Then the sage asked, “What happens when people are in love? They do not yell at each other but talk softly. Why? Their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small.”

The sage continued, “What happens when their love for the other grows even more? They do not speak, they only whisper. Their hearts come even closer with love. Finally, they need not even whisper... they only look at each other and that is all. That is how close people are when they love each other. The heart is like one.”

Apply it:
Next time you get angry, try speaking in a soft voice. Your anger will reduce a lot.

Are You Always Right?

http://www.lifemotivations.com/index.html

Do you know someone who always wants to be right, and then has to tell you why they are right and you are wrong? They always have an opinion, and when something goes wrong, they have to tell you why it went wrong and why they knew it was going to go wrong.
You might pose a question to this person that they might not know the answer to, but that they think they should know or you think they should know, and then the fur goes up on their back like a cat and they spew forth their superior knowledge. Whether it is or not, they will tell you it is superior.

They just have to tell you why they are right and you are wrong, and they do this from a perspective only they can understand. So you just stand or sit there shaking your head wondering why they have to be right all of the time, when most of us are wrong most of the time.
They have their mental model of the world so tightly compacted around themselves that they think they are the smartest and the greatest ever to live.

Well I’ve got news: they are just a pain in the ass. And I am sure you know one or two of these people, and I hope it is not your boss, because that is a royal pain.
Why do people have to behave like this? Why do people think they have to know it all? Why do they have to be right and everyone else has to be wrong? Is there some low self-esteem working in their head, so they have to prove to everyone how good they are?

Now here is an interesting question: do you have a little of these behaviors in yourself?
I know you tell me no, but I am not so sure. We probably all have a little of the defensive in us, but let me share with you that if you have any of these behaviors it is wise to unload these thoughts of defense. They are not persuasive, people say things behind your back, and they just prove that you are not smarter than everyone else. Believe me, people will try to convince you of their superiority- but they are not superior. So if you have any of these behaviors you have to be honest with yourself, make a change and watch things turn around with your relationships.

SILATURRAHIM

Untuk mempastikan diri kita menjadi hamba Allah yang baik atau dengan tepatnya menjadi 'khalifahtullah' di atas muka bumi ini, kesempurnaannya amat bergantung kepada sejauh mana seseorang itu mampu mengharmoniskan hubungannya dengan Yang Maha Pencipta Allah S.W.T. dan juga sejauh mana kemampuan seseorang itu menserasikan hubungannya dengan sesama manusia. Inilah yang menjadi titik tolak dalam kehidupan insan muslim mukmin yang beriman dengan Allah S.W.T. Inilah yang Tuhan firmankan dalam al-Qur'an:
Maksudnya:
'Ditimpa kehinaan mereka walau di mana mereka berada melainkan berjaya berpegang dengan agama Allah S.W.T. dengan menghubungkan diri dengan Allah S.W.T. dan juga berbuat baik sesama manusia..'(Surah Ali-Imran: 112)

Alhamdulillah, agama Islam yang kita anuti ini, begitu prihatin dan telah menyusun adab-adab serta disiplin- disiplin hubungan yang diperlukan sebagai pra-syarat kepada kesempurnaan kita untuk menjadi khalifah Allah S.W.T. Islam telah menyusunnya dengan begitu terperinci satu persatu dengan tujuan mempastikan supaya kehidupan hamba Allah itu berjalan dengan penuh harmoni,dengan penuh selesa,dengan penuh damai dan jayanya. Disusun begitu rupa bermula daripada beberapa adab dan disiplin yang begitu banyak yang antaranya disusun adab-adab berkeluarga, adab-adab kehidupan berumah tangga, adab bersuami isteri dan adab beranak pinak. Ini semata-mata bertujuan agar keluarga itu dapat mengecapi kebahagiaan sebagaimana yang diungkapkan 'Baiti Jannati',Rumahku Syurgaku. Kemudian disusun pula dengan adab-adab berjiran tetangga atas dasar hormat-menghormati supaya kehidupan sekampung dan sehalaman itu selesa berbahagia agar tidak bersengketa antara satu dengan yang lain. Islam juga tidak cuai dalam menyusun adab dan disiplin hubungan antara sesama umat Islam,yang bermatlamatkan untuk benar-benar dapat merealisasikan apa yang Allah S.W.T. firmankan dalam al-Qur'an:
Maksudnya:'Sesungguhnya orang yang mukmin itu bersaudara di antara satu dengan yang Lain.'(Surah al-Hujurat : 10)

Tidak juga dicuaikan oleh Islam di mana disusun adab-adab dan perhubungan antara orang Islam dengan bukan Islam yang berteraskan kemanusiaan sebagai merealisasikan apa yang difirmankan oleh Allah S.W.T.dalam al-Qur'an;
Maksudnya:'Wahai manusia sesungguhnya Kami menciptakan kamu dari seorang laki-laki dan seorang perempuan dan menjadikan kamu berbangsa-bangsa dan bersuku-suku supaya kamu saling kenal mengenal.Sesungguhnya orang yang paling mulia di antara kamu di sisi Allah ialah orang yang paling bertakwa. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mendalam PengetahuanNya.(Surah al-Hujurat: 13)

Ini telah dijelaskan dalam al-Qur'an. Selain daripada itu, disusun oleh Islam berbagai-bagai adab yang lain hatta adab bertegur sapa, melarang, menasihat dan berdakwah yang semuanya ada disiplin dan ada adab yang telah ditetapkan oleh Islam, supaya dapat dilaksanakan dengan penuh harmonis dan dengan penuh selesa, sehinggakan apabila Allah S.W.T. memerintahkan Nabi Allah Musa a. s. dan Nabi Allah Harun a.s. supaya pergi kepada Firaun dengan firman-Nya:
Maksudnya:'Pergilah kamu berdua kepada Firaun kerana dia telah melewati batas kekufurannya. Maka kamu berdua bercakaplah padanya dengan kata-kata yang lemah-lembut mudah-mudahan dia akan ingat dan takut akan Allah S.W.T.'(Surah Taha: 43-44)

Hingga begitu rupa sekali walaupun Firaun itu memang ternyata kufurnya, memang ternyata tergelincir daripada landasan yang sebenar, tetapi masih lagi dipentingkan adab bagi Nabi Musa a.s. dan Harun a.s.untuk menyeru Firaun supaya kembali ke jalan Allah. Begitulah pendekatan yang digunakan dalam Islam untuk menserasikan, melunaskan dan mewujudkan keharmonian antara manusia dengan manusia di samping hubungan manusia dengan Allah S.W.T.
Khatib berasa terpanggil untuk menjelaskan perkara ini, kerana terdapat kekeliruan yang diketengahkan di tengah- tengah masyarakat hingga menyebabkan masyarakat terpinga-pinga dan terkeliru dengan beberapa keadaan yang menjejaskan maruah umat Islam dan juga imej Islam itu sendiri. Dikatakan bahawa untuk menyampaikan sesuatu mesej itu, Islam membenarkan kita menggunakan cara yang kasar, cara menggunakan maki hamun, cara menggunakan mencarut atau sebagainya, apakah begitu? Apakah benar begitu? Kalau kita terima kenyataan ini,kalau kita katakan bahawa Islam itu membenarkan cara maki hamun, cara mencarut, atau sebagainya untuk menyampaikan mesej, tidakkah itu bertentangan dan bercanggah dengan nas-nas yang sarih, dengan nusus-nusus Islamiah yang terang, tidakkah ia bercanggah dengan apa yang Tuhan firmankan dalam al-Qur'an:
Maksudnya:
'Dan hendaklah kamu berkata kepada manusia itu dengan kata-kata yang baik (dengan kata-kata yang lembut dan tidak menyakitkan hati.'(Surah al-Baqarah : 83)

Ini firman Allah S.W.T, kalau kita terima pandangan bahawa Islam itu membenarkan kita berkasar, kita mencarut, tidakkah itu bertentangan dengan apa yang Nabi kita Muhammad s.a.w. tegaskan dalam hadithnya:
Maksudnya:'Awasilah kamu kata-kata yang kotor, maka sesungguhnya Allah Ta'ala tidak suka (dalam erti kata benci), dengan kata-kata yang kotor dan mereka yang berperangai kotor.'

Kalau kita terima kenyataan yang kita katakan tadi, tidakkah ini bercanggah dengan apa yang Nabi sabdakan: Maksudnya:

'Bukankah sebenarnya orang yang beriman,mereka yang mencaci cela dan melaknat yang mengeluarkan kata-kata kotor dan mengeluarkan kata-kata yang hina.'

Kalau kita terima kenyataan yang kita katakan tadi, tidakkah ini bercanggah dengan apa yang Nabi sabdakan: 'Maksudnya:

'Memaki hamun orang mukmin itu, adalah satu perkara yang tergelincir, rosak dan pembunuhannya itu adalah kekufuran.'

Kalau kita terima, Islam itu membenarkan kita berkata sewenang-wenangnya, tidakkah ia bercanggah dengan apa yang Nabi sabda dalam hadithnya:Maksudnya:
'Berbahagialah mereka yang dapat menahan dan mengawal lebihan daripada lidahnya yang terlampau lancang, hingga mengeluarkan kata-kata yang lucah dan carut marut.'

Kalau kita terima bahawa insan membenarkan dakwaan mengatakan kita boleh berkata sewenang~wenang walaupun dalam bentuk tidak begitu sopan, tidakkah ini bercanggah dengan apa yang Nabi katakan dalam hadith: Maksudnya:

'Sesiapa yang beriman dengan Allah dan beriman pada Hari Akhirat, maka hendaklah ia berkata dengan kata-kata yang baik atau kalau tidak dapat melakukannya, lebih baik bendiam sahaja.'
Kalau kita terima bahawasanya kita boleh lakukan carut mencarut, maki hamun dan sebagainya tidakkah bercanggah dengan apa yang Nabi sebutkan dalam hadithnya:Makksudnya:

'Cukup atau memadai, seseorang itu dikatakan jahat, apabila dia memandang hina, merendah-rendahkan saudaranya Muslim yang Lain.'
Kalau kita terima kenyataan yang seperti itu, tidakkah ia bercanggah dengan hadith Nabi:
Maksudnya:'Tidak wajar dan tidak harus bagi seseorang mukmin itu memandang saudaranya dengan pandangan yang menyakitkan hati.'
Kalau kita terima juga kenyataan itu, bagaimana pula sabda Nabi kita Muhammad s.a.w.:
Maksudnya:'Tidak lurus seseorang hamba itu, melainkan lurus hatinya. Dan tidak lurus hatinya melainkan lurus lidahnya dapat memelihara daripada kata-kata yang keji dan tidak masuk syurga seseorang itu yang sentiasa tidak lepas daripada mengganggu gugat jiran tetangganya.'

Inilah akibat atau implikasi andaikata kita terima kenyataan yang sebegitu rupa, yang jelas kelihatan kepada kita merosakkan umat Islam itu sendiri bahkan merosakkan imej Islam itu sendiri. Tidak ada salahnya kita berlainan pendapat, tidak ada salahnya kita berbeza pandangan, kerana itu lumrah hidup manusia. Tetapi sejauh mana mampu kita mengendalikan perbezaan itu untuk memastikan ia benar-benar berada dalam keadaan baik, benar-benar diasaskan dengan pertimbangan yang rasional dan benar-benar tidak diruntuni sebarang sentimen. Malah, walaupun berbeza- beza pendapat, hingga kalau perlu kepada perdebatan dan perbahasan pun Islam mengatur disiplinnya. Bukankah Allah S.W.T. telah berfirman:
Maksudnya:
'....Bermujadalahlah, berdebatlah atau berbahaslah kamu dengan mereka itu dengan cara yang lebih jitu yang terlebih baik, yang terlebih lunak... '(Surah an-Nahl : 125)

Inilah yang harus kita fikirkan kalau kita terima kenyataan-kenyataan yang boleh menjejaskan imej umat Islam itu sendiri.Persoalannya, apakah kita perlu, dalam menyampaikan sesuatu mesej itu, kita mesti mengikut rentak-rentak orang. Apakah untuk menyampaikan satu-satu mesej itu, kita perlu mengikut, meniru cara orang Barat. Orang Barat memanglah hidupnya begitu lepas, tidak tahu dibezakan yang mana baik dan buruknya lagi. Apakah kita perlu meniru begitu kalau kita ingin menyampaikan sesuatu mesej? Maka kita harus tiru mereka, tutur kata lucah mereka, tutur kata yang jijik, tutur kata yang cemar? Kemudian harus dianggap cara itu tinggi nilai seni dan tinggi nilai sastera. Lantas dipertahankan pula, dengan menyatakan, itu adalah cara terbaik oleh kita. Bukankah yang demikian itu hanya memperlihat betapa dalamnya sentimen diri, yang mendorong kepada fanatik atau ta'asub.Harus diingat, apabila sentimen menguasai diri, mata kita akan gelap melihat segala-galanya. Bak kata ungkapan, 'mata musuh gelap menimbang kebaikan, mata kawan buta melihat kesalahan. 'Lantas menghasilkan pula ungkapan 'Perbuatan kita benar belaka, perbuatan orang salah semua'.

Inilah yang harus kita pertimbangkan dan harus kita fikirkan. Khatib menarik perhatian semua ini dengan harapan tidak usah kita tersasul dan tidak usah kita terbabas dan melatah. Sesuatu yang terang bercanggah dengan ajaran Islam kita katakan itu daripada Islam.Janganlah kita termasuk dalam golongan apa yang Allah S.W.T. firmankan:
Maksudnya:
'... Usah memperdagangkan ayat-ayat Tuhan itu dengan begitu murah harganya...'(Surah al-Baqarah: 41)

Usah diseret Islam menuruti kita. kita harus menuruti Islam. Janganlah semudah itu untuk kita katakan atas nama Islam, boleh segala-gala. Boleh kita lakukan, boleh kita memaki hamun atas nama Islam, boleh kita mencaci atas nama Islam, boleh kita menggelar orang itu dan orang ini dengan berbagai-bagai gelaran yang tidak direlai oleh orang yang empunya diri. Persoalannya, harus kita merenungkan perkara ini. Mana budi bahasa kita, mana sopan santun kita, mana resam timur kita, mana adat Melayu kita, mana budi perkerti kita, mana akhlak kita? Hinggakan bukan sahaja menjatuhkan maruah atau imej kita, malah orang yang bukan Islam pun timbul kekeliruan, apa sudah jadi dengan umat Islam yang dahulunya mengatakan bahawa Islam tidak membenarkan mengeluarkan kata-kata kotor, lucah dan sebagainya tetapi sekarang sudah sebaliknya.

Bukankah ini menimbulkan kekeliruan yang merugikan orang Islam dan agama Islam itu sendiri. Apakah wajar kita samakan carut marut ini dengan firman Allah S.W.T. Apakah benar itu ajaran Islam? Bukankah Allah S.W.T. telah berfirman:
Maksudnya:
'Wahai orang yang beriman, janganlah sesuatu kaum itu mengeji atau memperolok-olokkan kaum yang lain kerana boleh jadi orang yang mereka perolok-olokkan itu lebih baik daripada mereka dan jangan pula wanita-wanita memperolok- olokkan wanita yang lain kerana boleh jadi mereka lebih baik daripada wanita-wanita itu...'(Surah al-Hujurat : 11)

Inilah yang harus kita fikirkan apa yang Tuhan tarik perhatian kita itu. Apakah sanggup kita tukarkan format tarbiah kita? Rata-rata sejak datuk nenek kita sehingga sekarang mendidik anak-anak kita supaya jangan mengeluarkan kata-kata yang kasar, jangan keluarkan maki hamun. Tersasul dari mulut anak mengeluarkan perkataan yang tak senonohpun, kita cubit mulut anak itu kerana ia tidak wajar diucapkan.

Itu dia format didikan kita, itu dia cara didikan kita. Apakah kita mahu tukarkan pula dengan pendekatan pendidikan atau methodologi pendidikan dengan cara, gaya dan budaya carut mencarut serta maki hamun ini?Inilah yang harus kita renung. Inilah yang harus sama-sama kita fikirkan. Semoga Allah S.W.T. akan memberi taufiq dan hidayah kepada kita kerana kalau cara ini berterusan, cara ini kita amalkan, maka ternyata sekali pemikiran kita sudah gersang. Apabila pemikiran kita sudah gersang, tamadun akan pincang dan akan membawa kita kecundang. Nauzubillahi min zalik.

BERBAKTI KEPADA IBU BAPA MENJAMIN KEBERKATAN HIDUP

Sempena Ramadhan yang mulia ini marilah sama2 kita renungi ibu bapa kita yang telah banyak berjasa untuk kita........ dan marilah kita sama2 memperbaiki layanan terhadap mereka.....

Saya berpesan kepada diri saya dan anak2 sekalian, marilah kita sama-sama mempertingkatkan ketaqwaan kepada Allah SWT dengan melaksanakan segala perintah-Nya dan meninggalkan segala larangan-Nya. Mudah-mudahan kita menjadi insan yang soleh dan menjadi contoh terbaik kepada keluarga dan masyarakat.

Penderhakaan kepada ibu bapa adalah sebahagian gejala sosial yang berlaku dalam masyarakat. Terdapat masyarakat Islam yang menganggap memelihara dan menjaga kebajikan kedua ibu bapa bukan satu tanggungjawab penting. Fenomena ini berlaku kerana masyarakat beranggapan menjaga rumahtangga sendiri dan anak-anak lebih penting daripada mengambil berat ke atas ibu bapa. Paling malang lagi terdapat anak-anak yang menghantar kedua ibu bapa mereka ke rumah orang-orang tua dengan alasan sibuk bekerja ataupun sukar mencari penjaga. Ini adalah berita buruk dan amat menyedihkan ibu bapa.

Lebih menyedihkan terdapat ibu bapa yang telah ditempatkan di rumah kebajikan ini merayu kepada anak-anak supaya mengambil mereka kembali untuk tinggal bersama tetapi tidak diendahkan. Selain itu terdapat juga anak-anak lebih memuliakan dan menghormati kawan-kawan dan sahabat handai berbanding dengan layanan kepada ibu bapa mereka.

Islam menyeru umat Islam jangan mencontohi kisah layanan buruk ‘Alqamah terhadap ibunya yang berlaku di zaman Rasulullah SAW dalam kisah ini , ‘Alqamah telah ditimpa sakit yang amat teruk dan tidak dapat mengucap ketika hampir saat kematiannya walaupun sahabat-sahabat Rasulullah SAW telah mengajarnya berkali-kali sehinggakan Rasulullah terpaksa memanggil ibu ‘Alqamah untuk bertanyakan apa hal sebenarnya yang berlaku.

Ibu ‘Alqamah telah menerangkan kepada Rasulullah SAW bahwa dia marah kepada anaknya kerana anaknya lebih mengutamakan isteri lebih daripada ibunya sendiri. Lihatlah sidang jamaah sekalian, walaupun ‘Alqamah adalah seorang yang sangat taat dan kuat ibadatnya kepada Allah SWT, rajin bersolat, berpuasa dan bersedekah tetapi disebabkan kemarahan ibunya Allah SWT telah menutup lidahnya untuk mengucapkan kalimah syahadah.

Islam memberi amaran keras terhadap mereka yang gagal melaksanakan hak-hak ibu bapa, menderhaka atau membiarkan ibu bapa yang sudah lanjut usianya menjalani kehidupan yang sukar dan menyedihkan. Rasulullah SAW bersabda:
Maksudnya : " Tidak akan masuk syurga orang yang suka menunjuk-nunjuk pemberiannya, orang yang derhaka kepada kedua ibu bapanya dan orang yang ketagihan minuman keras. "

Apa yang nyata, berbakti kepada kedua ibu bapa, bersikap mulia serta menunaikan hak-hak terhadap mereka adalah di antara tugas yang wajib dilaksanakan oleh umat Islam. Perintah mentaati keduanya jelas termaktub di dalam surah Lukman ayat 14: Maksudnya : " Dan Kami wajibkan manusia berbuat baik kepada kedua ibu bapanya; ibunya telah mengandungnya dengan menanggung kelemahan demi kelemahan dan menceraikan susunya dalam masa dua tahun; bersyukurlah kepadaku dan kepada kedua ibu bapamu; dan kepada akulah tempat kembalimu ".

Hakikatnya tanggungjawab anak-anak dalam melaksanakan hak-hak ibu bapa adalah hak yang paling penting sesudah menunaikan hak Allah SWT dan hak Rasul-Nya. Lantaran itu, hendaklah kita berbakti dan berbuat baik kepada mereka, mentaati mereka, berakhlak mulia sepanjang masa kepada mereka, mengutamakan mereka dalam segala kebajikan dan kebaikan lebih daripada diri kita sendiri, anak-anak dan juga isteri.

Sesungguhnya tanggungjawab anak-anak terhadap kedua orang tua bukanlah hanya dilakukan semasa hayat mereka masih ada sahaja tetapi berterusan walaupun mereka telah meninggal dunia. Anak-anak masih boleh menyumbangkan bakti mereka dengan pelbagai amalan seperti memperbanyakkan istighfar dan berdoa untuk mereka, bersedekah, membayar segala hutang piutang serta melaksanakan semua wasiat yang mereka tinggalkan selagi wasiat tersebut tidak bercanggah dengan hukum syarak. Selain itu menghubungkan silaturahim dengan teman-teman dan kaum kerabat serta orang-orang kesayangan ibu bapa juga merupakan salah satu cara berbakti yang boleh kita lakukan.

Sekali lagi menyeru supaya kita beristiqamah dalam berbuat ihsan kepada ibu bapa supaya mereka dapat menikmati kualiti hidup yang sempurna di dunia ini. Jika kita gagal berbuat demikian, maka di kemudian hari kita akan menerima nasib yang sama. Jabir RA meriwayatkan bahawa Rasulullah SAW bersabda : Maksudnya : " Berbaktilah kepada orang tua kamu (ibu bapa), nescaya anak-anak kamu akan berbakti kepada kamu. Dan peliharalah kehormatan isteri-isteri orang lain, nescaya isteri-isteri kamu akan memelihara kehormatan mereka . "

Fahamilah hakikat bahawa setiap kita adalah anak dan setiap kita juga akan menjadi ibu dan ayah. Oleh itu berlaku ihsanlah kepada ibu bapa agar setiap anak yang akan menjadi ibu dan bapa, akan dikasihani dan disayangi oleh anak-anak pula. Mimbar yang mulia ini bimbang jika ibu bapa kita hidup dalam keadaan terbiar, maka kemungkinan besar anak-anak yang akan menjadi ibu dan bapa juga akan turut terbiar dan tidak dipedulikan. Firman Allah SWT di dalam surah al-Israk ayat 7 : Maksudnya : " Jika kamu berbuat kebaikan, maka faedahnya adalah untukmu dan jika kamu berbuat kejahatan, maka berbalik kepada diri kamu juga ".

Am No Doctor-But Bad Breath Out of Nose is a Grave Concern

Halitosis (bad smelling breath) usually comes from the mouth because that's where it's produced: bad breath out of nose passages may be sign that something more complicated is going on. Most sources agree that the hydrogen sulfide smell so typical of halitosis is caused by the production of volatile sulfur compounds by bacteria living in the moth. When air is expelled from the mouth, the odor is detected. When air is expelled from the nose, the air comes from the lungs and bypasses the mouth, so it's unusual for air coming from the nostrils to smell bad.

Bad breath coming thru the nose is more likely to originate in the nose, sinuses, or throat, or even more unusually, from the lungs, lower airways or stomach. The first step is to confirm the existence of bad breath out of nose passages - your sense of smell might be off due to a viral infection or anything else that causes sinus irritation. Are you suffering from dry nose, allergies, a cold, or anything else that might be affecting your sense of smell? Your bad nose breath may be an illusion - have a good friend confirm that it's real before you overreact.

Bad breath out of nose passages may be caused by a blockage or obstruction in the nasal passages that is preventing normal airflow and drainage. Individuals, especially small children, sometimes push objects into their nostrils that may then become lodged in the airway. Swimmers may inadvertently inhale objects in water if they take in water through the nose. Occasionally undigested food gets lodged in the sinuses when an individual vomits. Any of these things can set up a situation that will result in bad breath coming through the nose.

Bad nose breath can also be a result of infection in the nose or sinuses, or even in the throat or lungs. Infection, however, seldom happens without other symptoms. If the person experiencing bad breath out of nose passages has swelling, redness, heat, or pain in the sinuses, an infection may be brewing, and a doctor should be consulted. Similarly, lung and throat infection typically also cause pain and fever. Bad breath coming thru the nose is an incidental sign of these infections that is distant from the infection itself.

Some medical conditions can result in bad breath out of nose passages; however, the odor noted in these cases is usually different from the typical hydrogen sulfide smell of halitosis. Some malignancies (cancer) of the airways can cause an odor, as can kidney and liver disease, and ketoacidosis (a serious complication of diabetes). Again, though bad breath coming thru the nose is noted, the odor comes from elsewhere. See your doctor if you notice bad nose breath and there is no obvious reason for it, especially if you are feeling at all unwell

Best and Worst Foods for Your Libido

It's no secret that the unhealthy American diet is contributing to an epidemic of obesity. But there's another hidden epidemic that our fatty diets are at the root of: a national libido crisis.
One of the big culprits, for both men and women, is obesity. As a person's weight soars, their libido plummets, due to biochemical changes that diminish blood flow. Extra weight also hinders their ability to have children—with men, it's damaged sperm; with women, it's ovulation problems. (Manage your weight with more than just food intake
The good news: With some simple changes to your diet, courtesy of the latest research from Eat This, Not That!, you can revitalize your relationship and dramatically improve your health.

FOR THE HORMONE RUSH
Eat This!1-OZ DARK CHOCOLATE
162 calories
11 g fat (6 g saturated)
10 g sugars

Chocolate is full of anandamide and phenylethylamine, two compounds that cause the body to release the same feel-good endorphins triggered by sex and physical exertion. Cocoa also contains methylxanthines, which make skin sensitive to every touch. Aim for dark chocolate, which packs more cocoa than lighter milk chocolates, and keep portions small.

Not That!WHITE CHOCOLATE
White chocolate isn't technically chocolate, since it doesn't contain any actual cocoa—which means no heightened skin sensitivity, or rush of the feel-good hormone serotonin.

FOR ENERGY
Eat This! 6-OZ SIRLOIN STEAK
414 calories
24 g fat (10 g saturated)
46 g protein

Protein has been shown to naturally boost levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, two chemicals in the brain that heighten sensitivity during sex. Your steak is also packed with zinc—a mineral that boosts libido by reducing production of a hormone called prolactin, which may interfere with arousal.

Not That! AN ENERGY DRINK

While the caffeine and sky-high sugar content will initially leave you bursting with energy, you're setting yourself up for a major crash not far down the line. Additionally, Canadian scientists found that maintaining a diet high in sugar can temporarily lower your testosterone levels, which in turn can sap your sex drive—whether you're a man or a woman. See, the more testosterone you have, the higher your arousal levels. Too much sugar sends your T into hibernation—and your libido along with it.

FOR POWER
Eat This! ½ CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM
137 calories
7 g fat (4 g saturated)
14 g sugars
2 g protein

Ice cream has high levels of calcium and phosphorus, two minerals that build your muscles' energy reserves and boost your libido. All that calcium—200 milligrams in the typical bowl—can also make you more sexually charged, since the muscles that control sexual response need calcium in order to contract properly.

Not That!TOMATOES

They're great for you in other ways, but tomatoes' lycopene and phytofluene can decrease testosterone levels. The effect isn't dramatic, but you may be better off skipping the marinara sauce if you want to get saucy.

FOR PERFORMANCE
Eat This! ½ CUP BLUEBERRIES
40 calories
10 g carbs
7 g sugars

Forget Viagra. Mother Nature's original blue potency capsules may do even more for you. Blueberries are high in soluble fiber, which helps remove excess cholesterol from the blood before it gets absorbed and deposited on artery walls. Blueberries also relax blood vessels and improve blood flow. For maximum potency and performance, eat a serving of blueberries at least three or four times a week.

Not That!SODA

Soda pop will sap your sex drive. Too much sugar will lead to spikes and crashes in your blood glucose, ultimately sapping your testosterone levels (and your libido).

Diabetes~Home Remedies

"My diet from today will be RED WINE , Bitter gourd , olive oil, asparagus +......"

Diabetes mellitus is a chronic disorder found mostly among obese people. This condition causes increase in the blood sugar since it prevents the metabolism from using glucose resulting in the raised concentration of glucose in the blood. Diabetes mellitus occurs when the pancreas does not produce the hormone insulin, which is responsible for controlling glucose levels in blood. Type- I Diabetes occurs when thepancreas cannot produce enough insulin and another type of diabetes disease, which is called type- II diabetes when the body becomes resistant to insulin. As it may cause various other health complications, it is essential to treat diabetes and you can try a few time tested home remedies to keep the disease in control.

After establishing itself as a heart-friendly drink, red wine is now once again ready to be there on your dining table; this time as an antidote to diabetes. Obviously, good news for millions of people, constantly bearing blows of this debilitating disease. Credit to shovel out this fact goes to new study showing that chemical called, resveratrol—found in the skins of red grapes and in red wine – significantly improves the sensitivity of mice to insulin. Moreover, it (resveratrol) was found activating the SIRT1 enzyme – known for increasing longevity, DNA repair, and insulin secretion. These findings nurture a hope for diabetes-afflicted people, by confirming that in near future red wine might play a significant role in fighting diabetes, which currently is supposed to be engulfing around 170 million people worldwide.

Home remedies for diabetes mellitus
Bitter gourd is found to be an effective home remedies for diabetes mellitus. Due to its insulin-like properties, it efficiently reduces the blood sugar levels. Bitter gourd juice taken in an empty stomach and bitter gourd powder can be added to the diabetic diet. Bitter gourd decoction, which is got by boiling the pieces in water, can effectively diabetes mellitus treatment. Using olive oil in your cooking may help you control blood sugar levels. Olive oil can be used in salad dressings and for other cooking purposes. This is a good home remedy for diabetes mellitus. Vitamin c - rich Indian gooseberry helps the pancreas secrete insulin. Gooseberry juice is particularly effective when taken in combination of bitter gourd juice to fight diabetes successfully. This is one of the effective natural remedy for diabetes mellitus. Steamed asparagus drizzled with olive oil and lemon juice is a mild diuretic, which is a very good home remedies for diabetes mellitus .

Jambul fruit, juice and its seeds are beneficial in treating diabetes. The bark of the tree is burnt, powdered and used in treating diabetic patients. This powder is consumed in combination of amla powder and bitter gourd powder. This is one of the useful diabetes mellitus remedy. Parsley and watercress may act as a diuretic as well as lower blood sugar levels and hence may be helpful to diabetic patients. This is one of the best diabetes mellitus treatment. Another effective diabetes mellitus remedy are grapefruits can effectively fight diabetes. It is advised to eat at least three fruits a day if you want to save yourself from diabetes disease. Fenugreek seeds are also found to be effective in controlling diabetes. When consumed daily, fenugreek seeds can help balance blood sugar levels.

Bengal gram is found to be effective in controlling blood glucose levels of the diabetic patients. This is particularly helpful since Bengal gram increase the utilization of glucose and the insulin dependency of the diabetic patients was considerably reduced. This is one of the useful home remedies for diabetes mellitus.
Black gram eaten in combination of bitter gourd juice and honey is useful in combating the malnutrition that may arise in a diabetic diet. Mango leaves are boiled in water and the leaves are squeezed well to get a decoction. This decoction can be can be ingested every morning to fight against diabetes. Moreover, mango leaves can be dried and powdered and can be eaten everyday to treat diabetes patients. This is a good diabetes mellitus cure.
Parslane seeds can be taken with water every morning to increase body insulin levels. Onion, garlic and cucumber can be great home remedies for diabetes mellitus. Bilberry is effective in controlling blood sugar levels. This is a best natural remedy for diabetes mellitus. Essential oils such as rosemary, peppermint, lavender and tea tree oil can be used to decrease stress and cope up with the diabetic condition.

Type - 1 and Type - 2 Diabetes mellitus
Patients affected by type – I diabetes can take dosage of insulin on everyday basis. This will help to balance the blood glucose levels. Type – II diabetes patients can control their glucose levels by keeping their weight under control with a balanced diet and regular exercise regime. Diabetes disease can be controlled only by a strict diet and regular insulin supplements. If diabetes is left untreated, it may cause heart disease, high blood pressure, kidney diseases and many more illness. Diabetes condition may also lead to blindness, nerve disease and may cause stroke and impotence.----SO LETS TAKE CARE…..HAHAHAHA

crying in childhood~give them a break...don’t shout at them….

Humans have developed many different ways to communicate with each other. Some of these include facial expressions, hand gestures, body posturing, and the use of sound. Many species, including fish, reptiles, insects, birds, and mammals, use these same techniques. Humans, however, use sound to communicate much more than other species do. The use of language is one major factor that separates man from the rest of the animal world.

Why do children cry?Crying is one way that humans express their emotions. It is one of the most effective ways a child who cannot speak communicates with others. Infants and young children cry for many reasons. As children mature into adults, crying occurs less often, and the reasons for crying become more specific. It is often not clear why children are crying. It is a caregiver's job to figure out why a child is crying and to relieve the underlying distress, if possible.

Toddlers (children from 12 to 36 months old) often cry out of frustration or as an assertion of independence. This stage of life can be very frustrating for many young children. Toddlers have a strong need to assert their independence. This is the way they learn the rules of the family and society.

This need to be independent, along with being stubborn and having a shortage of other options, lead toddlers into conflict with their parents. It can result in the toddler being frustrated at not having his or her way. This frustration is expressed through crying and temper tantrums. Slowly, the toddler learns the family rules, becomes more independent, and develops his or her use of language.

As his or her needs and feelings come to be expressed verbally, the young child uses crying less often to communicate. Although it can be difficult, caregivers should be patient with toddlers. Adults should expect to have to repeat and reinforce the rules for toddlers many times. It helps to keep rules simple so that the toddler can easily understand them.

Spending time with a toddler doing what he or she wants to do gives the child some control. If a toddler is crying out of frustration, he or she should be soothed. Toddlers should not necessarily get their way if what they want is not appropriate. Crying that does not respond to soothing can be handled by putting the toddler in a brief time out. The rules should then be restated when the child has quieted himself or herself and is allowed to return to activities.

Some children cry as a response to physical illness. Children cry when they are in pain from an injury or illness. Injuries are usually obvious. But the source of pain may not be so apparent in a child who cannot talk, or one who is younger than 2 or 3 years old.

Ear infections are a common cause of pain in young children. These occur more often in the winter months and if a child has a cold with nasal or throat inflammation . Frequent crying at night that disrupts a child's sleep is a common sign of ear infection. A caregiver should call the child's healthcare professional if the child is crying and has at least one of these symptoms:
• a temperature above 100.5 degrees F (38 degrees C)
• sore throat
• stiff neck
• drowsiness
• severe headache
• vomiting

Children sometimes use crying as a way to get an adult's attention. A child learns this if an adult attends to him or her every time he or she cries. After infancy, or the first year of life, children can learn to comfort and quiet themselves when they go to bed and when they are not ill. At bedtime, it helps to put children in their own cribs while they are still awake. This prevents them from thinking that they cannot go to sleep without an adult being with them.

Sometimes children wake in the night for a diaper change or feeding. These should be done gently but quickly, with just enough light to accomplish the task. Talking and touching should be kept to a minimum. Nighttime is not the time for an adult to be an entertainer. That should be saved for daytime. Brief periods of crying will not harm a child. Young children should get enough affection, approval, and attention during the daytime to meet their needs for feeling loved and accepted. They do not need reassurance of this in the middle of the night.
Adults can learn not to respond to daytime crying that is directed at getting their attention. The adult should not respond in anger or with punishment to the crying. This type of negative attention accomplishes the child's goal. Rather, the adult can say, "Crying is not a good way to get my attention. If you want me to spend time with you, please ask me in your normal voice."

If the child does not quickly respond, the adult should then ignore the child and do something else. When the child has quieted himself or herself, the adult should say something like, "I'm proud that you were able to quiet yourself. It is much more fun to be with you when you are not crying. Now, what is it you wanted to do with me?" It is very helpful for the adult to acknowledge when the child seeks attention without crying. The adult might say to the child something like, "I'd love to do that, and I love it when you ask without crying."
Children cry more if they are irritable. However irritability, like crying, is merely a symptom of a problem. There are many reasons why a child may be irritable. He or she may be sleep deprived if he or she has trouble sleeping. Persistent mouth breathing and difficulty breathing through the nose when the child does not have a cold may indicate breathing problems while sleeping.

Many children have television sets, phones and personal computers in their bedrooms. Children can become sleep deprived and irritable because they are up late entertaining themselves or talking to their friends. This is especially true of school-aged children. School-aged children, especially those in middle school and high school, can be involved in so many activities that they can be irritable from lack of adequate sleep.
A child can also be irritable if he or she is having problems at school, trouble with friends, or if there is a lot of stress and tension in the home. Some children who live with a chronically irritable parent can learn irritability as a way of life. Sometimes a child is irritable in most settings. Sometimes he or she is involved with "the wrong crowd," is abusing drugs or alcohol, is sexually promiscuous, or is involved in antisocial behavior. In these cases, the parent should not hesitate to seek help from a professional trained in counseling.

Adolescents may cry because of the stress associated with hormonal changes, emotionally charged events, or the struggle for independence from parents. In many ways, young adolescence is like a return of toddlerhood. As with the toddler, the young adolescent is struggling to become independent from his or her parents. This is often expressed at home by the young teen being irritable, short tempered and by crying after only minor provocation. The situation is made worse by the physical and hormonal changes the child is experiencing.
An adolescent is trying to figure out who he or she is, how the world works, and who is boss. The struggle for independence, along with the physical and hormonal changes, can make a child very emotional. Parents can be reassured if they hear that their child is happy and well mannered at school, in activities, and at the homes of friends. These are places where the adolescent is with peers and is there by choice.

Sometimes, crying is a symptom of depression. Children often do not exhibit the classic adult symptoms of depression, namely sadness, difficulty sleeping, appetite change, or loss of motivation. Rather, children who are depressed will be irritable, angry, or fearful. They may cry or act out a lot. Younger children usually become depressed in response to significant, adverse changes in their social environment.
Older adolescents are more likely to show the classic signs of depression. This is most common in children who have family members, especially within the immediate family, who suffer from depression. Parents with children showing these symptoms should talk to the healthcare professional They can also seek a referral to a mental health counselor who works with children and adolescents.

Usually, children who are healthy and live in nurturing environments are happy and content most of the time. Chronic crying and irritability are not normal for a healthy child. A child who cries or is irritable most of the time should be seen by a healthcare professional. If the cause seems to be clearly related to issues in the child's social environment, attempts should be made to get to the root of these issues and correct them.

Ciri-ciri isteri yang baik menurut Islam

Last week I was honored to receive a visit by Prof. Dr Abdul Aziz and family, at my “neutral ground reception”, to ask for the hands in marriage of my eldest daughter Alia, to his young and ambitious diplomat son Azril Aziz. I hosted a dinner for my guest at the pool side of the KL Hilton, attended by their immediate family members including my youngest Auntie and Hubby, being the elder to the family in KL. The dinner signifies an official engagement for Azril & Alia.

To Azril & Alia, Congratulation on your engagement and I hope you will guide Alia to be a gracious wife to support you during the course of your diplomatic duty. To Alia, papa hopes you learn from history and continue to be mentally active and to support your husband-to-be in his course of diplomatic duty.

WOW…. How time flies, my eldest daughter getting married! That means I have step up to the next paradigm in life…..BUT believe me I am still young at heart and some are surprise that I have a daughter of marrying age! Thanks to my little hyper active Fatini & Emir and super demanding, understanding and very very very supportive wife….hehehe!

This is for Azril & Alia………. Lead your life graciously and always strive to live a life yang berhemah tinggi

Ciri-ciri isteri yang baik menurut Islam

Isteri yang baik secara total akan mudah melahirkan rumahtangga bahagia tetapi sebaliknya isteri yang tidak memahami akan tanggungjawabnya sudah pasti akan melahirkan rumahtangga yang kucar-kacir.

Kita sedar dan faham rumahtangga yang bahagia lahir daripada isteri yang soleh, jiran yang baik dan kenderaan yang sempurna. Dan wanita adalah penentu buruk baik sesebuah masyarakat. Manakala masyarakat yang baik pula lahir daripada rumahtangga dan keluarga yang bahagia. Wanita dengan sifat kehalusan yang dianugerah oleh Allah s.w.t. bersesuaian sekali sebagai pengasuh, pendidik anak-anak, pembimbing dan juga penghibur hati suami.

Daripada sifat semula jadi dengan kehalusan ini jika dididik dan diasuh serta dihalusi hatinya sejak awal-awal agar kematangan berfikir dan tingkah laku yang mulia sebagai persiapan seorang isteri yang soleh, sudah pasti berhasil. Rumahtangga bahagia boleh diasaskan oleh isteri akhlakul karimah perlulah memenuhi tanggungjawab yang digariskan dalam tuntutan yang pembetukan rumahtangga yang bahagia. Tanggungjawab ini perlulah benar-benar difahami, dihayati dan dilaksanakan agar cita-cita untuk melahirkan rumahtangga bahagia terhasil.

1. Taat dan kasih kepada Allah dan Rasul
Ketaatan kepada Allah akan jelas dilihat dari segala perintah dan larangan yang telah ditetapkan dipatuhi dengan sesungguhnya. Perintah dan larangan ini tergambar dengan jelas sebagaimana yang dibawakan oleh Rasulullah s.w.a. Ketaatan yang tidak berbelah bagi dengan sendirinya kan melahirkan disanubari perasaan kasih kepadanya.

Firman Allah dalam surah At-Taubah ayat 24 yang bermaksud. "Katakan: Kalau bapa-bapamu, anak-anakmu, saudara-saudaramu, isteri-isterimu, kaum keluargamu, kekayaan yang kamu peroleh, perniagaan yang kamu khuatiri akan rugi dan tempat tinggal yang kamu sukai; kalau semua itu kamu cintai lebih dari Allah dan Rasulnya dan dari berjuang di jalan Allah, tunggulah sampai Allah mendatangkan perintah-Nya. Dan Allah tidak memberikan petunjuk kepada kaum yang fasik."

Jelas kepada kita bahawa ketaatan kepada Allah s.w.t. akan menelurkan kasih dan cinta yang tidak ternilai di sisi manusia. Ketaatan dan cinta kepada Allah ini bukanlah mudah diperolehi sekirannya persediaan kearah itu disambilewakan. Pendidikan jiwa supaya beriman sesungguhnya kepada Allah dan Rasul-Nya, perlulah dididik sejak awal lagi. Didikan ini akan menjadi benteng dan memahami akan batas-batas yang dilarang dan dibolehkan dalam ugama. Keimanan yang kukuh, perbuatan yang soleh dan mengikut ketetapan yang ditentukan dengan sendirinya secara mudah akan dapat melawan hawa nafsu lahiriah dan bathiniah.

" Dan kalau kamu hitung nikmat Allah, niscaya tidak dapat kamu menghitungnya.," An-Nahl ayat 18. Daripada rasa kenikmatan yang diberikan oleh-Nya yang tidak terkira akan memahami betapa hamba sangat-sangat memerlukan kepada Khaliknya. Sifat ihsan dengan sendiri mengonkong diri insan; kerana sifat wanita biasanya tidak akan puas dengan panorama duniawi.

2. Akhlak mulia dan sempurna sebelum kecantikan
Kita fahami bahawa Allah tidak memandang paras rupa (kecantikan) sesaorang tetapi akhlak yang mulia menjadi nilaian yang kukuh disisiNya. Akhlak mulia dan sempurna menjadi pakaian yang kekal manakala kecantikan akan luntur dimakan atau dimamah usia. Tetapi kiranya kecantikan ini dapat diadunkan dengan akhlak yang mulia sudah tentu ia adalah pilihan utama setiap insan. Untuk melahirkan wanita yang berakhlak baik perlulah dididik dan diasuh dengan nilai-nilai yang begitu rupa agar meninggikan lagi taraf kamanusian dan sekaligus membezakannya dengan sifat kehaiwanan.

Isteri yang berakhlak mulia dengan mudah dapat memahami akan bentuk-bentuk pakaian yang harus dikenakan pada tubuhnya dalam keadaan tertentu; dapat mengawal perkataan-perkataan yang maaruf ketika berbicara dan mengetahui akan batas-batas bergaul sesama rakan, suami, keluarga dan juga saudara-mara yang lainnya.

Di samping itu segala tindakannya mempunyai perbezaan dengan wanita yang tidak soleh. Ia tidak gemar membeli tanpa izin suaminya, apatah lagi penjualan dengan cara berhutang sepertimana kaedah sistem belian pati yang berluasa sekarang. Ia lebih mirip kepada kemaksiatan daripada yang maaruf. Juga tidak bertindak menggunakan harta dan wang suami tanpa izinnya. Sekiranya tidak mencukupi maka ambillah secara yang maaruf sebagaimana yang dilakukan oleh isteri Abu Sufian; Rasulullah menasihatkan agar mengambil dengan maaruf dan yang berhajat sahaja. Isteri yang soleh juga akan mudah mengawal harta benda suami ketika ketiadaan-Nya

3. Mengambil berat kewajipan rumahtangga dan berusaha memperbaikinya.
Wanita yang telah dididik sejak awal-awal lagi dengan akhlak yang mulia secara matang mengetahui akan persediaan berumahtangga dan memahami kewajipannya memperbaikinya dari masa ke semasa dengan patuh dari tunjuk-ajar suaminya.

Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w. dari Ibnu Abbas r.a yang diriwayatkan oleh Imam Abu Dawud, "Mahukah aku berikan kepadamu sebaik-baik benda yang disimpan Iaitu ialah wanita yang soleh. Apabila suaminya melihat kepadanya, girang dia; apabila suaminya perintah akan dia, taatlah ia padanya dan apabila suaminya meninggalkannya, ia akan memelihara nama baik suaminya."

Dari hadith di atas jelaslah kepada kita ukuran seorang isteri yang baik. Ia mampu melayani suami sebaik mungkin dalam segala bidang; ketaatan yang tidak berbelah-bagi asalkan yang diredai Allah s.w.t dan boleh mengawal harta benda dan nama baik suaminya ketika ketiadaannya. Ketaatan dan kepatuhan ini akan memudahkan penerimaan hidayah Allah s.w.t dan ketenangan hati suami dalam menjalani hidup berumahtangga. Dan sekaligus seolah-olah menjadi suatu simpanan yang sangat berharga bagi seorang lelaki berumahtangga apabila memiliki isteri yang baik budi pekerti atau perangainya dan mampu mengendalikan rumahtangga dengan baik.

Walaupun di dalam Islam tanggungjawab di dalam rumahtangga seperti menjaga anak-anak dan memasak serta lain-lain tidak diwajibkan sepenuhnya kepada isteri tetapi isteri yang soleh merasakan tanggungjawab ini biarlah ia yang menanggungnya. Kerana ia tidak mahu tangan orang lain mendodoikan anaknya ketika hendah tidur; tidak mahu tangan lain memasakkan makanan suaminya atau sebagainya dan memahami tugasnya adalah melayani suaminya semata-mata.

Isteri yang soleh sungguh cekap dan teratur melayani suaminya menjaga dan mendidik anak-anak, menyediakan makan minum keluarga, mengemas tempat tinggal dengan rapi dan lainya. Sedaya upaya berusaha memperbaiki kewajipan yang telah diamanahkan oleh suaminya. Isteri yang begini akan melahirkan rumahtangga yang tenteram, riang gembira dan menjadi rumahtangga contoh dalam masyarakat. Begitulah yang dikehendaki dalam Islam.

4. Malu dan taat
Sifat malu sememangnya lumrah bagi seorang wanita. Malu seorang isteri adalah hormat dan taat yang sebenarnya kepada suaminya, selagi suaminya taat kepada Allah dan Rasul-Nya. Isteri akan diam semasa suami bercakap, membenarkan kata-katanya dan menghormati segala pesanannya. Bermuzakarah boleh juga diadakan tetapi ia perlu dikawal oleh akal kerana wanita itu berakal pendek walaupun mempunyai rambut yang panjang. Perbincangan yang mengikut nafsu syaitan dan sikap memberontak, menangi dan menghentak-hentak kaki yang akhirnya akan memporak-perandakan rumahtangga.

Hadith Rasulullah yang diriwayatkan oleh Termizi dan Ibnu Majah mengatakan. "Ketahuilah dan hendaklah kamu berpesan-pesan kepada kaum wanita dengan baik-baik, kerana sesungguhnya mereka itu tawanan bagi kamu, tidak ada kekuasaan sedikitpun bagimu daripada mereka itu selain yang demikian itu, kecuali jika mereka itu mendatangi/mengerjakan sesuatu kedurhakaan yang nyata. Maka jika mereka berlaku curang, berbuat durhaka, hendaklah kamu tinggalkan tempat tidurnya dan berilah pukulan yang tidak menyakitkan. Kemudian bila mereka taat dan patuh kepadamu, janganlah kamu cari jalan yang bukan-bukan untuk berbuat tidak senonoh kepada mereka. Ketahuilah, sesungguhnya bagi kamu ada suatu kewajipan atas isteri-isterimu, dan isteri-isterimu ada kewajipan ke atas kamu pula. Adapun kewajipanmu (suami) atas isteri-isterimu ialah bahawa mereka itu janganlah menginjakkan tempat tidurmu dengan orang yang tidak kamu sukai, dan mereka janganlah memperkenankan orang-orang yang kamu tidak sukai masuk ke rumahmu; dan kewajipan mereka (isteri) atas kamu ialah bahawa kamu hendaklah berbuat baik atas mereka itu dalam urusan pakaian dan makanan mereka."

Dengan ini jelas membuktikan bahawa sifat malu dan taat kepada suami masing-masing adalah perkara penting di dalam pergaulan berumahtangga. Ia perlu dijaga, diawasi dan dikawal agar jangan sampai berlaku yang tidak sesuai denga kewanitaannya dan dilarang oleh agama. Jadi perlulah isteri itu sedaya upaya mentaati dan meghormati suaminya kerana taat kepada suami bermakna taat kepda Allah s.w.t jua; dan murka suami bererti murkalah Allah kepadanya.

5. Mulia dan hormati ahli suami dan kerabatnya
Bermula selepas ijab & qabul, tugas dan tanggungjawab ibu bapa selama ini berpindah secara automatik ke bahu suami sepenuhnya. Dan sebagai seorang isteri, suamilah tempat ia bergantung kasih sayang.

Oleh itu tidak syak lagi seorang isteri itu menghormati akan ahli-ahli (adik-beradik) suami, saudara-mara dan kerabatnya mengikut batas yang tertentu. Dan perhubungan dan pertaliannya mempunyai had dan batas yang dibolehkan di dalam Islam. Kedatangan mereka terutama ibu bapanya perlulah disanjung dan hubungan ini perlu dititik-beratkan. Ada di kalangan keluarga Islam, perhubungan antara suami dan ibu bapanya renggang disebabkan oleh sikap isteri yang tidak menyenangkan orang tua suami.

Kadangkala isteri itu meminta barang-barang keperluan yang tidak dimampui oleh sisuami hingga membabitkan keluarganya akan juga menjadi punca perpecahan antara suami isteri dan kaum keluarganya. Memuliakan dan menghormati suami dan kaum kerabatnya merupakan satu tanggungjawab isteri yang baik.

Only weak people shout

I believe the greatest sign of human weakness is when people shout. In fact, I think people who shout are stupid and are the lowest types of untalented characters. These people think that shouting will make others listen to them and do whatever they ask of them, but this is mostly false. The only time shouting will work is when the person being shouted at has low self-esteem, but people who respect themselves and know they deserve better will never succumb to the demands of a shouting individual.

People who think yelling will make others fear and obey them are simply jerks that will never get any respect. Some people may seem two-faced and only scream at others in certain situations and in certain places. People from different backgrounds and upbringings are different. Not everyone is the same.

I'm the master and I can shout whenever I want to!" This sentiment is not true at all. Being the boss or head of the family does not entitle you to the right to shout at others and put people down. People who do this are abusers, and it is no wonder that employees tend to hate their screaming bosses and hope for them to disappear! Some sponsors treat their maids and drivers badly, and shouting at them becomes a habit. This verbal abuse can push anyone to despair and can even lead some people into a life of crime.

Why do people shout at others? I think those who scream at other people are arrogant and have sick personalities. They lack trust in themselves and hate who they are. They want to release their pressures and frustration at others and direct their rage at the weakest people around them who are helpless to their verbal attacks. Doing so reaffirms their skewed ideas of superiority over others.

What should you do if someone shouts at you? Don't take it. You can sometimes use fire with fire, but this method can sometimes lead to worse outcomes. You can ignore the person and never deal with them again. If the boss is the culprit, you can tell him to his face that you do not approve of such treatment. If you work for someone who does not respect you, they are really not worth your time.

Is it embarrassing and degrading to be yelled at? Yes, but you can let it go, and you can learn how to handle such abuse. You can tell the person to release his frustration somewhere else. Keep your distance afterwards and don't think he will not shout again. Learn to deal with the shouting wisely and firmly.

muna@kuwaittimes.net

What's in a Kiss?

A kiss — the pairing or touching of lips — is typically an expression of affection, greeting or farewell, and intensely as an expression of romantic affection or sexual desire. Parents kiss children, worshippers kiss religious artifacts and couples kiss each other. Kisses take on a number of figurative meanings in folklore, literature, and art, ranging from the betrayal — with Judas’ kiss — to the life-giving symbolism of movies such as The Little Mermaid.
The word comes from Old English cyssan ‘to kiss,’ in turn from coss ‘a kiss.’ Anthropologists report that 90% of the people in the world kiss. So how does one gesture come to signify affection, celebration, grief, comfort and respect, world-wide?
Evolution

Anthropologists have yet to reach a consensus as to whether kissing is a learned or an instinctive behavior, but many believe it may be related to grooming behavior seen between other animals, or a result of mothers premasticating food for their children. After the babies learned to eat solid food, their mothers may have kissed them to comfort them or to show affection.
Bonobo apes, which are closely related to humans, kiss one another frequently. Regardless of sex or status within their social groups, bonobos kiss to reduce tension after disputes, to reassure one another, and to develop social bonds. Many mammals lick one another’s faces, and birds touch one another’s bills. In some cases, the animals are grooming one another rather than kissing, while others are smelling scent glands located on face or in mouth. In these manners, they’re often showing signs of trust and affection or developing social bonds.
Biology

Kissing allows prospective mates to smell and taste each other’s pheromones for biological compatibility. Women are subconsciously more attracted to men whose major complex portion of their genome is different from their own, leading to offspring with resistance to a greater number of diseases with a better chance of survival. This explains why couples are more likely to bond if they have the right ‘chemistry.’ A study at the University of Albany found that women use kissing as a tool to find the right father for their children and judge men exclusively on the quality of the first kiss they share.
Effects of Kissing

Romantic kissing affects most people profoundly. The Kinsey Institute describes a person’s response to kissing as a combination of 3 factors:
1. Psychological response depends on your mental and emotional state and how you feel about the person kissing you. Kissing someone you want to kiss will generally encourage feelings of attachment and affection.2. Your body physically reacts to being kissed. Most people like to be touched, which is part of your body’s response to kissing. But kissing also affects everything from your blood to your brain.3. The culture in which you grew up plays a big part in how you feel about kissing. In most Western societies, people are conditioned to, look forward to and enjoy kissing. The behavior of the people around you and other social factors can dramatically affect how you respond to being kissed.
When a mother kisses a child’s bruise to make it feel better, psychological, physical and social factors play a part in the reaction to both. The same is true when friends kiss as a greeting, worshippers kiss religious symbols or siblings kiss and make up after an argument. No matter the type of kiss, they have one thing in common — they inspire feelings we think of as positive.
Manner of Kisses and Culture
Affection

In modern Western culture, kissing is most commonly an expression of affection, unlike many parts of the world where kissing is viewed as a means of respecting others. In Middle Eastern countries till recent times, kissing was only considered proper when between 2 men, 2 women, or parents kissing their children. Kissing was not looked upon as a sexual expression in the Middle East.
In Eastern European countries up to recent times, kissing between 2 men on the lips as a greeting or a farewell was as normal as the modern Western handshake. This custom has nearly died out due to Western influence. In the past, kissing wasn’t considered sexual in Slavic and Muslim countries.
Between people of close acquaintance, a kiss, often reciprocal, is offered as a greeting or farewell. This kind of kiss is typically made by brief contact of puckered lips to the skin of the cheek or no contact at all and merely performed in the air near the cheek with the cheeks touching. This is a common greeting in European and Latin American countries between a man and a woman or between 2 women, but also by 2 men in parts of Europe, the Middle East and Latin America, such as Argentina. But in most Western societies it’s often more acceptable for women to kiss each other than men kissing each other.
People sometimes kiss children to comfort them or show affection, and vice versa, usually on the forehead or cheek.
As an expression of romantic affection or sexual desire, kissing involves two people pressing their lips together, usually with much more intensity, and for a considerably longer period of time.
Symbolic Kissing

A ‘blown’ kiss using actions of the hand and the mouth to convey affection, typically when parting or when the partners are physically distant but can see each other.
Asymmetry in Kissing

To avoid a clash of noses while kissing, couples often turn their faces slightly to one side, thereby orienting their heads at an angle with respect to each other. Writing in Nature, psychologist Onur Güntürkün observed couples kissing in public places such as airports and parks. His research demonstrated that by a 2:1 ratio the direction of turn is more frequently to the right than to the left.
The History of the Kiss

Historians don’t know much about the early history of kissing, but 4 Vedic Sanskrit texts written in India around 1500 B.C. appear to describe people kissing.
The Indian poem “Mahabharata” describes kissing on the lips as a sign of affection. The “Mahabharata” was passed down verbally before being written down around 350 A.D. The Indian religious text “Vatsyayana Kamasutram,” or the “Kama Sutra,” also describes a variety of kisses, written in the 6th century A.D. Some anthropologists theorize that the Greeks learned about it when Alexander the Great invaded India in 326 B.C.
There aren’t many records of kissing in the Western world until the days of the Roman Empire. Romans used kisses to greet friends and family members, citizens kissed their rulers’ hands, and people kissed their romantic partners. The Romans distinguished 3 different types of kisses:Osculum — a friendship kiss on the cheekBasium — a kiss of affection on the lipsSavolium (or savium) — a lover’s deep kiss
The Romans also initiated several kissing traditions that have lasted to the present day. Couples became betrothed by kissing passionately in front of a group of people, which is likely why modern couples kiss at the end of wedding ceremonies. Kisses were used to seal legal and business agreements, and as part of political campaigns.
Christians often greeted one another with an ‘osculum pacis,’ or holy kiss. Tradition claimed the holy kiss caused a transfer of spirit between the two people kissing. Most researchers believe the purpose of this kiss was to establish familial bonds between the members of the church and to strengthen the community.
The Protestant Reformation removed the kiss from Protestant services entirely in the 1500’s. The holy kiss doesn’t typically play a role in modern Christian religious services, although some Christians do kiss religious symbols, including the Pope’s ring.
Until the 1400s, kissing under mistletoe was a major commitment, often meaning that a couple was engaged.
At the Diocleia festival at Megara in honour of Diocles, lover of Philolaus, a kissing contest was held in which boys would kiss a male judge, who awarded a laurel wreath to the boy he deemed the best kisser.
In the gospels, Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss on the cheek shortly before his crucifixion in the Garden of Gethsemane — a subversive use of the kiss.
Anatomy of a Kiss

Kissing is a complex behavior that requires significant muscular coordination — in fact, a total of 20 muscles working cooperatively. The most important muscle involved is the orbicularis oris — known as the kissing muscle — which runs around the outside of your mouth and used to pucker the lips. The tongue can also be an important part of the kiss.
About two-thirds of people tip their heads to the right while kissing. Scientists believe this preference starts before we’re born, when we tip our heads to the right in the womb. So muscles in your head, neck and shoulders tilt your head so your nose doesn’t collide with your partner’s nose.
Sensations involved in kissing aren’t confined to the mouth. Your facial nerve carries impulses between your brain and the muscles and skin in your face and tongue. While you kiss, it carries messages from your lips, tongue and face to your brain to tell it what’s going on. Your brain responds by ordering your body to produce:• Oxytocin, which helps people develop feelings of attachment, devotion and affection for one another• Dopamine, which plays a role in the brain’s processing of emotions, pleasure and pain• Serotonin, which affects a person’s mood and feelings• Adrenaline, which increases heart rate and plays a role in your body’s fight-or-flight response
When you kiss, these hormones and neurotransmitters rush through your body. Along with natural endorphins, they produce the euphoria most people feel during a good kiss. Your heart rate increases and your blood vessels dilate, so your entire body receives more oxygen than normal. You can also smell the person you’re kissing, and researchers have demonstrated a connection between smells and emotions.
World Records

The longest recorded kiss took place in New York City on December 5, 2001, between Louisa Almedovar and Rich Langley, lasting 30 hours, 59 minutes and 27 seconds.
The world record for the largest group kiss was set on July 22nd 2007 in Weston-Super-Mare at Channel 4’s T4 on the Beach. More than 32,000 people kissed for 20 seconds, smashing the previous record set in France by over 30,000 people.
On September 1, 2007, 6980 couples kissed for 10 seconds in Tuzla, Bosnia breaking the previous Guinness World Kissing Records of the Philippines and Hungary. The record currently awaits official certification.
The longest onscreen kiss was performed by Gregory Smith and Stephanie Sherrin in the 2005 film Kids in America which lasted just over 6 minutes.

How and Why We Flirt

There are but two very specific types of people who flirt — singles and those who are married. Single people flirt because, well, they’re single and therefore nobody is really obligated to talk to or do the ‘wild thing’ with them. But married people are more of an enigma — they’ve already found themselves a suitable significant other. So why do they persevere with the game, and how do we flirt to begin with?

Flirting Stats

Statistics vary but most experts agree it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if we’re attracted to someone. As much as we’d like to believe it all rests on that witty opening one-liner — sorry, it doesn’t.
55% of the impression we perceive from someone is through our body language.
33% is from the tone, speed and nuance of our voice.
Only 7% is from what we’re actually saying.

First Impressions

You need to get the body language down pat right off the bat or they won’t bother sticking around to find out how charming you are. Here’s a thought to make you feel dreadfully self-aware — before you’ve even uttered a word to the person you’ve got your eye on, your posture and the way you’ve walked is more than 80% of their first impression of you. We make snap judgments based on instinct but the fact is, nearly every facet of your personality is evident from your appearance, posture and the way you move.
So, how do we tell if our body is sending the right signals — and how to read theirs? Let your body do the talking — and the flirting — by learning to recognize them.

5 Expert Methods of Flirting

The Flirting Triangle When we look at people we’re unfamiliar with such as in a business situation, our eyes make a zig-zag motion — we look from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.
With friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle shape — we look from eye to eye and down to include the nose and mouth. Once flirting begins, the triangle gets larger — it widens at the bottom to include parts of the body. The more intense the flirting, the more intensely we look from eye to eye — and the more time we spend looking at their mouth. It can be highly seductive when someone’s watching your mouth while you’re talking to them. It could be they’re fantasizing what it would be like to kiss you. A word of caution — don’t be overly overt in this method or you’ll only succeed at relaying a subliminal message of being a sexual predator to a female.

Mirroring

This is what separates a competent flirt from an expert — nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone’s behavior. If they lean forward to say something intimate, you lean in to meet them. If they sit back, sip their drink and look you in the eye, you pause and follow suit.
The philosophy is that we like people who are like us. If someone is doing what we’re doing, we feel they’re on the same level and mood as we are. But there are 2 major rules to become pro at this — only mirror positive body language, and capture the spirit rather than imitating them. Wait around 50 seconds as a rule of thumb before mimicking their gestures.

The Eyebrow Flash

When we first see someone we’re attracted to our eyebrows rise and fall, and they’ll do the same if they’re equally attracted. Watch closely and carefully, because it only lasts about a fifth of a second.
It’s an unconscious gesture replicated by every culture on the planet. Some experts claim it’s the most instantly recognized non-verbal sign of greeting we humans use.
But for practicing flirters, the thing is to watch for it when you meet someone you’re interested in. On the pro level, tell them you’re interested on a subconscious level by prolonging your eyebrow flash for up to one second while catching their eye for full impact. Nothing longer or you’ll fall from pro status to idiot.
Pointing Steal a glance at their feet and hands. We have a tendency to point toward the person we’re interested in — if we find them attractive, we’ll often point at them subconsciously with our hands, arms, feet, legs, and toes.
Photo Lippi
This is another subliminal message used on the pro level to make your intentions known. It’s often picked up unconsciously by the other person, without them really knowing why.
If you have your eye on someone across the room, point your body in their direction — even if you don’t make eye contact, they may take the hint.

Blinking

If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases, as does their blink rate.
Being the expert flirt you are, up the odds in your favor by increasing the blink rate of the person you’re talking to by blinking more yourself. If the person likes you, they’ll unconsciously try to match your blink rate to keep in sync with you, in turn making you both feel more attracted to one another.
Cues of Readiness Notice the sidelong glance paired with the weak smile, the slightly sustained gaze given? A woman tilting her head to the side a bit, exposing her soft, sensuous neck, or looking at it another way, her jugular? A man maintaining his body in an open, come-on-attack-me position, arms positioned to draw the eye to his impressive lower abdomen?

Scientists call all these little acts “contact-readiness” cues, because they indicate non verbally that you’re prepared for physical engagement. Experts of general body language call this “nonverbal leakage.”
These cues are a crucial part of the “heterosexual relationship initiation process.” In primal terms, they’re physical signals that you don’t intend to dominate, nor do you intend to flee — both effective messages potential mates must send before they can proceed to that awkward talking phase. They’re the opening line for the opening line.

Golden Rules of Body Language

Don’t judge based on one thing alone. Sitting with one’s arms crossed is often perceived as a defensive, stand-off posture — but it could also mean they’re freezing cold, or hiding a freshly spilt drink on their shirt.
Don’t jump to conclusions — instead look for groups of behavior. If someone has their arms crossed and their lips are pursed disapprovingly, they’re likely on the defensive. Most experts on body language follow the Rule of 4 — look for at least 4 signals suggesting the same thing before totally believing it.

Why We Flirt

One of the reasons we flirt is that we just can’t help ourselves — we’re programmed to do it by biology or culture. The Max Planck Institute in Germany filmed African tribes in the 1960’s and found that the African women did the exact same prolonged stare followed by a head tilt away with a little smile that he saw in America. Some evolutionary biologists suggest that those who were pros at flirting maneuvers were more successful in quickly finding a mate and reproducing, and that the behavior therefore became widespread in all humans. “A lot of people feel flirting is part of the universal language of how we communicate, especially nonverbally.” says Jeffry Simpson, director of the social psychology program at the University of Minnesota. Simpson is currently studying the roles that attraction and flirting play during different times of a woman’s ovulation cycle. His research suggests that women who are ovulating are more attracted to flirty men. “The guys they find appealing tend to have characteristics that are attractive in the short term, which include some flirtatious behaviors.” he says.
He’s not sure why women behave this way, but it follows that men who have sex with ovulating women have a greater chance of procreating and passing on those flirty genes. But this is an unconscious choice, just as flirting isn’t always intentional. “With a lot of it, especially the nonverbal stuff, people may not be fully aware that they’re doing it.” says Simpson. “You don’t see what you look like. People may emit flirtatious cues and not be fully aware of how powerful they are.”

Flirting with Intent

But for the rest of you, you know who you are. Once you move into the verbal phase of flirting, it’s pretty much all intentional.
Flirtation is a game we play — a dance in which everyone knows the moves. “People can flirt outrageously without intending anything.” says Timothy Perper, who’s been researching flirting for 30 years. “Flirting captures the interest of the other person and says ‘Would you like to play?”

Flirting is Second Nature

The uncertainty of flirting is one of the most exhilarating things about the game. “Flirting opens a window of potential. Not yes, not no.” says Perper. “So we engage ourselves in this complex game of maybe.” The game is anything but new — the first published guide on how to flirt was written about 2,000 years ago, Perper says, by author Ovid.
Once we’ve learned the game of maybe, it becomes second nature to us. Long after we need to play it, we’re still occupied by it because we’re better at it than at other games, and sometimes it becomes a social fallback position.
“We all learn rules for how to behave in certain situations, and this makes it easier for people to know how to act, even when nervous.” says Antonia Abbey, a psychology professor at Wayne State University.
Just as we learn a kind of script for how to behave in a restaurant or at a business meeting, she suggests, we learn a script for talking to the opposite sex. “We often enact these scripts without even thinking.” she says. “For some women and men, the script may be so well learned that flirting is a comfortable strategy for interacting with others.” In other words, when in doubt, we flirt.

Why Married People Flirt

What drives many already committed people to engage in the art of woo is often not doubt, but curiosity. Flirting “is a way of testing one’s mate-value and the possibility of alternatives — actually trying to see if someone might be available as an alternative.” says Arthur Aron, professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook.
Evolutionary biologists claim the motivations are clear — mates and offspring die — flirting is somewhat like mating insurance.
Some may flirt to bring about renewed attention from your mate, which has advantages all its own.

For Benefits

Flirting can be an emotional resource to gain something — not usually for money, but for the intangibles — a better table, a juicier cut of meat, a discount, or to return a purchase without any hassles. It’s a handy social lubricant, reducing the friction of everyday difficulties, more like a strategically timed tip than a romantic advance. Flirting is almost mandatory in today’s times.

Online Flirting

The digital scene is all words and no body language — whether online or in text messages, nuance is nearly impossible. And since text and e-mail flirting can be done without having to look people in the eye, it’s bolder, racier and unrestrained without thought on whether the message could be misinterpreted or should even be sent at all. “Flirt texting is a topic everyone finds fascinating, although not much research is out there yet.” says Abbey. “People are often more willing to disclose intimate details via the Internet, so the process may escalate more quickly.” A University of Florida study of 86 participants in a chat room published in Psychology Today in 2003 found that while nearly all those surveyed felt they were initially simply flirting with a computer, not a real person, nearly a third of them eventually had a face-to-face meeting with someone they chatted with. All but 2 of the couples who met went on to have an affair.
Whether the people who eventually cheated went to the site with the intention of doing so or got drawn in by the fantasy of it all wasn’t clear.

Affairs

Many people who flirt off-line aren’t typically looking for an affair. But one of the things about married flirting is that it has a much greater degree of danger and fantasy to it. The stakes are high and risks are great, even if the likelihood of anything happening is slim. But for some, it’s a highly addictive drug.
Therapists say that people who cheat are often not so much dissatisfied with their spouse as with themselves and the way their lives have turned out. There is little that feels more affirming and revitalizing than having someone fall in love with you — and little that feels less affirming than being cheated on.

Safety on Dates

If you’re cyber dating, using the personals or a dating agency, it’s a good idea to arrange to meet for coffee or lunch rather than dinner. Not only are you safer in the day but you don’t waste time if it doesn’t work. Don’t lead anyone on if they’re not your fancy — which might turn into stalking — by being polite in saying “You’re a lovely person, but unfortunately, not what I was looking for.” Stick to an area that’s well lit with plenty of people around. Better yet, meet in a place where you’re known so the person you’re with can be identified. Talk to the waiter / waitress so it’s obvious you’ve been seen with them.
Don’t invite strangers to your home and don’t go to theirs until you know them very well. Trust your gut instinct and listen carefully to their relationship history.
Give the details of your date to several friends — where you’ll be, the time you’ll meet, the person’s name, phone number and address. Get them to phone you an hour into the date to check you’re OK, and phone them a few hours later to report in again.

Go Forth and Flirt

By now you’ve become an expert in the sphere of flirtation, armed with the best tricks of the trade. Flirting is an elixir, a way of feeling more alive, more vital, and more desirable without actually endangering the happiness of anyone you love. So go ahead and flirt — if you can do it responsibly and without hurting anyone. You might even try it with your spouse and reap some fantastically tantalizing rewards.

Sources: BBC and Time